Shit. I cant believe I am actually writing this. I had been sitting at my computer for a while trying to think of the perfect title for this article when this idea hit me. I knew I had to write it because I WISH someone had written about this years ago so I could have read it and taken some action as it truly did change my life.
Before I get into all of the juicy details I want to fill you in on where my life was at when I took on this challenge. I was exhausted. I had 3 young children. I was a young mum but I felt like I had aged several decades from having 3 children. My body was unrecognisable from pregnancy, child birth, lack of sleep, surgeries, and general lack of care and maintenance. I had little energy and interest to take care of myself and would often just count down the hours and minutes until bed time. This was a cruel game as my kids rarely slept in their own beds and the nights were always longer than the days!
My husband at the time never complained about my appearance but because I had zero self confidence at this point, I would create these horrible stories in my mind about what he must have thought of me. I hated my body. Even though all of the parenting books kept telling me that I should be abundantly grateful that this incredible body of mine could create such magnificent beings. I wasn’t grateful for that. I was pissed off that no one told me the ramifications of having three children. I didn’t know that I would end up with this weird flapping bit on my stomach after having a cesarean section! I didn’t know the stretch marks would cover my stomach, thighs and boobs. No one told me any of that, and I guess they had good reason.
So as you can see, I wasn’t in the best mental state at this time.
I was scrolling through Facebook one night which is how I spent a lot of my days and nights while I breastfed. I often thought about what mothers did before smartphones were invented and Facebook was around. What else could they do one handed for the many hours of the day and night they would spend with a babe attached to them? Anyway. While I was scrolling I saw an article. It was talking about a 30 day orgasm challenge. I thought it was interesting and a lot more entertaining than re-reading the rest of my newsfeed again. So I clicked through and as I read, I thought that maybe I should give it a go. It was talking about how daily orgasms can increase your energy and even heal trauma. I was quite keen just to get some more energy back and knew that it wouldn’t hurt to give it a go!
The next day I psyched myself out at the thought that the kids would barge in after their nap. I decided to get a lock on my door and talked myself into starting the next day. The next day came and so did I (if you know what I mean). It was a bit weird to do it with the full intention of it being a daily challenge. I’d always felt as though I’ve got to be completely in the mood to masturbate or have sex. This time it felt like I was doing an exercise. It still felt really good but it didn’t have any life altering effects just yet.
Over the next few weeks I continued with the daily challenge. Some days it didn’t happen because life was busy. However, I definitely crossed off most of the days during the challenge.
I probably noticed some changes around the start of week 3. I definitely had a lot more energy. Not necessarily from the pleasuring side of things so much as I truly wanted to start taking better care of my body. I was starting to think about what I was eating. I started running around with the kids more as I was happier in myself. I started showering and shaving on a much more regular basis. It was like all of this masturbating had woken the real Nicky back up. I wasn’t in an exhausted daze anymore.
I understood how my body felt rather than just observing how it looked and endlessly trying to make it look like it ‘should’.
My first big lesson was that I was so much more in touch with the feeling of my body both inside and out. Rather than just focusing on being disgusted with how my body looked, I was focused more on how my body felt. My body felt amazing. Interrupting my days of tending to my children with intense personal passion really helped me come alive inside my body. This was significant and was probably the basis for the rest of the changes I felt in the months after completing this challenge.
I gained confidence in myself as I was far less stressed and tense.
Now that I was focused on feeling good in my body I became a whole lot more confident in myself. I noticed that I was far less stressed and tense. My body was now opening up to pleasure, energy and fun. I felt like these feelings had been blocked out as they aren’t necessarily essential for surviving and I felt like my body had been in survival mode when my kids were so young and dependent.
I appreciated my body a whole lot more.
I absolutely appreciate my body a whole lot more. It could experience so much pleasure! When I opened up to more energy and fun I also started playing more. With a fit and healthy body I was able to play with my family and enjoy life a whole lot more.
I tapped into my intuition and creative side which led me to overhauling my ‘mummy’ wardrobe and style.
This was probably the next stage and came after completing the 30 day challenge. I truly felt like I had tapped into my intuition. For the previous 10 years I had been busy finishing University, dealing with my mum passing away and then busy creating and raising a family of my own. I was so distracted with life that I had stopped listening to my intuition. I think it had stopped working as I never listened to her!
When I started really tuning in I was able to be a whole lot more creative. I started changing up my style of clothes. Rather than wearing my activewear on a daily basis, I decided to mix it up and bought real jeans, nice shoes and clothes that were more flattering and a little ‘out there’. I really enjoyed stepping out and expressing myself in this way rather than just hiding in black activewear all of the time.
I enjoy wearing bright prints and boots and makeup and big ear rings. However, NO ONE can stop me from wearing my mum bun. I still love it. The ease of putting my hair up into a bun with a fun scrunchie is something that is going to last a lot longer yet.
I began to really fall in love with myself and appreciated that I am enough.
This was the biggest lesson of all. I actually fell in love with myself. Throughout my teens I felt fat and never really fit in. Then in my late teens and early 20’s I had such a great figure and I missed that when I got pregnant. I had placed all of my self worth into how I looked. I finally felt like I fit in when I was in great shape and had a flat stomach. When it disappeared and made way for stretch marks and my hair falling out, I felt like I wasn’t pretty enough or skinny enough or just enough.
As I moved through all of these emotions through daily orgasm and even after the challenge when I dropped back to a couple of times a week, I realised that I will always be enough. I also learnt that although we worry what other people are thinking about us, they are often just thinking about themselves and are worrying about what we think of them. So the lesson of this story is to stop worrying about what others think and get some good batteries!